Fucked night?

SOOO Friday night was pretty fucked lol. Went clubbing with a buncha ppl I barely knew but s'all good they were nice guys. But god damm EAT BEFORE YOU CONSUME ALCOHOL -_- my girl natalie was drunk and 2 others were tipsy, we were running around the streets tryna chase down these girls so they don't get runned over! tryna find the cab and shit I flipped out so many times, all we needed to do was grab a cab was that so hard? all I wanted was for the whole night to be relaxing and have some fucking fun and this shit goes down?! urgh. So we finally got to the club they're tumbleing everywhere and the guys were so stiff! wouldn't even move. a couple hours later it got a bit better I ran into my girs that I haven't seen in SO long erika, diana etc <3.>reunion I danced it out with them and a bunch of other people I swear it was like a giant asian mafia in the corner ripping it to house music LOL but yeah the rest of the night was alright pretty good I met up with ______, I really miss her sometimes..If I hadn't fucked up so bad in the past *sigh..all well anyways I had to bring some girls in to dance with ;) the guys needed a bit of inspiration soo LOL but yeahh It was pretty fucked cause it was frustrateing taking care of drunk people but whatever, going home was the hard part fitting 11 people in a van, we walked miles just to call a cab in the end and the friggin brown taxi drivers are SO ANNOYING. Got home at 4am. woke up at 2pm. went to work at 5, had to work with my bitchy boss who seems to ALWAYS make me feel dumb and there were so little people working and it was a MESS I closed the store by myself I was so cheezed. NOW today time to get some chores done, do my homework then go out and chill with my homies that I haven't seen in awhile. Toodles hoes

so another day of boreing schoooooooooooooooool surprisingly, I went to all my classes and was actually pretty productive. At this moment I'm having a bogey. Honestly I'm pretty dissapointed in myself, I should have quit I need too, this is the last pack I swore to myself and many others. for fuck sakes my grandpa died from lung cancer & my dad aint doing so great either I sit and think sometimes, do I really want to die early 30's? fuck.whatever this time for sure it's going to my last 3 left. I seriously need to get my life straight. Enough skipping, it's my lst year gotta figure out what and where I'm going in life. I didn't go through 3 years of torment in high school just to come back an extra year to fuck it up all over again. Bleh I gotta continue my boring ass project now so BOREING realtalks. Talking to ... last night just made me realize I don't know, maybe I shouldn't try to bring it back. & I think my hearts already started to slowly cm by cm to let go. Move on it's hurt so much it just doesn't care anymore. I just don't think i'll be able to love anyonelse until I start to love myself first. So..what next?

Toooo's mofackin day. Another day of school, I actually wanted to be productive and get my shit done in peace today. Instead I have my friends bothering and lectureing me about all the positive and negative effects I bring upon myself because of the way I am. 1.) I'm sorry guys I know I'm a pretty sensetive and bummy person but I love who I am, I love that I'm able to give unconditional love and forgiveness because I believe someday, someones gonna love me just for who I am. 2.) I don't want to have to change myself to get a girl to like me, if assholes, cockyness and jerks are what you like then girl there's somthing wrong with you. Why would I want to be somthing, show someone a side of me that I'm not, thats misleading and later on it just wont be the person they fell for. 3.) Noone's ever gonna do you better then I ever can, see I know you've all been through it and everyone has different ways of mending and rebounding. However, I'm differen't a differen't you couldnt ever understand. So for now, I'll sit back take your words into consideration but sorry, if you dont like me for the way I am & you think I'm just wasteing my life. Thanks for careing but it's my life & I'd like to live it my way. I'm not gonna lie, Kayla you did make me think ALOT given me different perspectives and as much as I wish I could be that person..I'm not. God how life would be so much easier if I just didn't CARE. I had a some serious realtalks with Amanda today...she made me just believe in myself & gave me assurance & I thank you for that. Other then that I should start my homework focus on myself cause girls are just a distraction.

Alrighttty So I got up for school today, pretty early for once anddd, I went to my morning classes but skipped the afternoon because my friend from c.w was suppose to come visit and watch the volley ball team face my school. She came late so I waited and wasted a whole period but whatever it doesn't matter to me either way. Watched the game, juniors won but seniors lost. All well. Then I went to yorkdale with my friend Annice and met up with Helen, Naynay & shelley. Took apple pics and then I had to leave for work at 7. I am dead tired surprisingly went work by pretty quicker then usual So I was happy about that, still pretty bummed lately but I'm hearing some of my other friends are haveing 'boy' issues again, & god leave me out of it. Please. Anyways I need to start focusing on school SERIOUSLY. NO skipping the whole week & I gotta get all my missed assignments/work and project started & finished! I'm gonna go watch some t.v and knock the fuck out, Goodnight : )

mother fuck. Okay So I was writeing a blog before but the stupid internet deleted it all and now I have to re-write everything but whatever I'm so lazy right now I'm going to cut to the short version. So I was pretty excited about today, Only if I had known disaster was going to hit me all week. Went to work at 2, tiring and boreing but I got through it. Was suppose to have a double date with my cousin and our ting tings, so at 6. I waited, 15mins..30..45 I waited practically an hour for this girl. My cousin and her date came already and I felt bad for making them wait I looked like a fucking idiot and such a loser. Shit, Like if you didn't want to come or if you werent taking me seriously just fucking SAY IT shit girls honestly, your just hurting us by leading us on and then dropping us like NOTHING. Honestly, Do I have like a " I LIKE BITCHES " or " WALK ALL OVER ME " and " FUCK ME OVER " sign tattooed on my forhead or some shit? cause thats all i've been fucking attracting lately. ugh so done with girls for awhile, like my newly made friend today said " Trust Noone " touche my friend. I must agree. Now other then that, whatever I brushed it off, we went to go eat and watched saw 6 holy mother it was soo groosome and disgusting but awesomee. Now I'm home with a major headache, hiccups and more heartbreak. God I'm gonna be so miserable at school tommorow. Anyways, Goodnight.

*sigh. So I was actually pretty fucking excited today. I went to work at 2, tired and boring but I got through it. I was suppose to go on a double date with my cousin and 2 of our tings. So, guess what happens from there?. My cousin and her date show up, 15mins..30..45 i practically waited a fucking hour for this girl. No show. I made myself look like an idiot asking link/txting people to see if they knew where she was. Nowhere to be found, don't get me wrong if you had an actual real reason then fine whatever, what's done is done. But bitch if you stood me up on purpose then fuck off. I thought you were different, Like my newly met friend today said, " don't trust noone " straight. I need to stop fucking putting myself out there so much, whatever jnf girls are just so corrupt, holy fuck. Yeah I'm sure there are lots of people all around the city who are just as messed but realtalks your area is just negative and a bad vibe. So whatever, we still watched saw 6, soo groosome nasty but awesomeee. Go watch it. Anyways I'm home now, my head hurts and I have hiccups, time to go lay in bed and think about how miserable I'm going to be at school tommorow. Goodnight.

So for halloween I went uptown to see a friend, it was her 1 year anni with her boyfriend. They seemed really happy, had dinner I didn't eat though surprising I know. Then we watched Law Abiding citizen I give it 2 thumbs up it was extremely interesting and exciteing. He gave her a $500 hello kitty ring, the one she had on her wishlist I'm happy to see her smile just makes me think alot. Then afterwards I went to a small get together at a friends house in jnf. People were already drunk when I got there and quite frankly I didnt wanna get fucked up so I stayed sober just 2 shots and a beer, 5 ciggerettes and I was good. I met a couple new people but that night was kind of fucked at the same time, this 26 year old girl Amanda, she was nice and all but she kept hitting on me which made me really uncomfortable then the host's boyfriend had knocked out and right when he does she jumps onto this next guys dick like wtf? noone would say anything but that was fucking wrong, how you gon make out this with guy while your boyfriend is knocked the fuck out in YOUR bedroom wooow. & don't lie to yourself buddy, your clearly sober by that time. I don't know, I guess it really bothered me because what matters to me the most Most MOST in a relationship, is Loyalty. Ah, whatever that was my halloween, I hear my friends had awesome time doing there own things, wether that be juiceing and jamming or bonfireing hope you guys had fun. I had a good night's sleep though hopeing for better days guys. Enjoy the rest of your weekends.