You, you, you.

It's not about what I want, it's about what I deserve. But..why does it feel like this is what I've been waiting for, what I've been suffering for what I've dreamt of. It's all finally coming true for me, but the only problem is, when I pictured this moment. I Pictured you, noonelse this is why it feels so strange, this is why I pull away and have second thoughts. If I could go on and think that I could ever get over you. Do you know how hard it is, to look at you, 5 steps away from me and I can't do ANYTHING about it, I wanna keep you sheltered from the cold and hold you till it's dawn. I might not be inlove with you anymore, but I do still love you.

I Can't Stand Knowing Your Hurting Over Me Anymore.

Capricorn and Leo love compatibility
Ordered, organized Capricorn neither understands nor approves of Leo's exuberant impulsiveness. Leo forgives and forgets; Capricorn being the one who is slow to anger and seldom forgets. The Leo supposes that the Capricorn is full of love and spends it too economically. The Capricorn for his/her turn is also not the best partner for the Leo because of his/her poor imagination. The Capricorn is much more passionate in bed. They not fit each other in the bedroom. They are both representatives of independent signs of the zodiac that inclined to dominate in everyday life. These two are almost complete opposites and in case of a love affair their distinctions can appear insignificant, but in case of marriage they will never be happy together.

Capricorn and Sagittarius love compatibility
Unless Sagittarius can clip their wings a bit, there is strong warning against this combination. The Capricorn loves making love in some certain places while the Sagittarius is ready to do it everywhere. The Capricorn is cautious and conservative. He/she always worries about safety. The Sagittarius is a careless and irresponsible player. The Sagittarius will be irritated by the close-fisted Capricorn. Their sex life is very apt to be frustrating for both parties, although Sagittarius will feel this more keenly than Capricorn. This is not the best connection, and will end up as unsuccessful marriage in the future.

Capricorn and Pisces love compatibility
The Pisces will probably try to cheat on the Capricorn, because it is in their character, but the Capricorn is able to cope with it and will be the leader in bed. The Pisces will soon decide to follow him/her. The Pisces are affectionate and sincere creatures and can make the Capricorn's life full of joy. Capricorn provides a ballast for Pisces's drifting dreaminess and supplies the stability that Pisces needs and admires. And there's nothing Capricorn likes better than being admired. These very different people supplement each other emotionally. It is a good combination with complimentary values. They will find comfort in one another providing Capricorn displays his/her emotions at least once in awhile. There is very good forecast for these relationships.

Why.

Why do you do this.. Why do I let my heart go through this for you, over and over. When I said Forever, I meant it. Before it's too late.

My everything.

DON'T FUCKING DO THIS TO ME. I SWEAR IT'S BECAUSE OF YOU GUYS THAT'S STOPPING ME FROM BEING HAPPY. EVERY TIME I GET CLOSE, I PULL MYSELF AWAY CAUSE I THINK OF YOU. I LOVED YOU GUYS AT ONE POINT, YOUR IN MY LIFE I WANNA KEEP IT THAT WAY, BUT THE PAST IS THE PAST, U WANTED TO GET RID OF ME , GRATS. NOW PLEASE, JUST APPRECIATE WHAT WE HAVE NOW, LET THE PAST GO I CAN'T HANDLE THE STRESS ANYMORE. for once in my life I'm happy, don't take this away from me. No one will.

The big ONE-SEVEN.

So Guys, it's my Birthday. I'll let you know how it goes tonight. Hahaaaa : )

HAHA SOOOOO let me tell you about my day :D, I got woken up at 8am by jess HAHA but s'all good I was about to wake up soon anyways shes coool. Unbelievable even on my birthday I wake up walk outside, look at my mother in the eyes and wait for her to say somthing. Her first response was " WHY ARENT U WEARING SOCKS" "UR GONNA STAY SICK" blahblah like jeez mom THANKS FOR GIVING BIRTH TO ME TODAY, whatever thats why I treat this day like any other normal day, aint nothing special. Anyways didn't get nothing from them I had to OWE THEM back from before, yeah thanks for nothing, whatever. then I went to go pick up my paycheck woohooO! finallyyy now I have to go pay back some my&em's debts with it, yay =.= LOL soo work was soooo dead, started at 12, big CEO was coming to visit our store so everyone HAD to be on there A game, I literally hid in the back for like 3 hours LMFAO DOING NOTHING god prob best shift ever, untill they left and Steff was on my ass to keep working =( bitch, even on my birthday I cant get a break. SOOO after I finally got off work & went to dinner with Alessia, Kristin, Joanne, Momita, Kaylin, Charlie & Kyle. It was totally unplanned by I honestly had a better day than I expected, I was just gonna go home after work and sit and chill this was so much better =) thank you guys! & for everyones birthday wishes. The only dissapoitments I ever got today or ever since it hit midnight, was I was especially hopeing for a special birthday wish from 2 ppl, didnt get it. Still havnt, but it's alright. Whatever aint a big deal. Overall thank you jo for the birthday present I love it SO much I always wanted it. Thank you momo for buying me a drink ; ) teehee and thank you Kyle for covering my dinner! I owe you guys :D . Anyways, I'm gonna go chill and relax for the rest of the night, call up ____ & ____ tonight : ) hehehee. <3

Capricorn; Horoscope of the Day.

Now is the best time to think about change -- though not necessarily for putting it into effect! Make sure that you're considering all of the possibilities of what is likely to happen.

hmm.

Why won't you be my blue skies,
So I can be your sunshine,
You'll be my horizon,
I'll come to you every night,
I want you to be my moonlight,
I will be your night-time,
My life would be so dark,
If you didn't shine so bright (Bright),
Forever yours,
Girl I'll be forever yours,
For you I'll trade it all,
This is too good to ignore,
Forever yours,
I wanna be forever yours,
I hope you don't make any plans,
We got a future to explore,

Lets go to a place,
Far away,
Where we could stay together forever and ever,
A place far away,
Where we could stay,
Together Forever and ever,
I'm yours, I'm yours, I'm yours, I'm yours
Forever and ever I'm yours,
I'm yours, I'm yours, I'm yours, I'm yours
Forever and ever I'm yours. (8)

What is this?!, fucking a Walk down memory lane or somthing?! get OUT of my HEADD ugh.

Maybe I never will.

Once upon a time, we swore not to say goodbye
Something got a hold of us and we changed
Then you sat alone in pride
and I sat at home and cried
How'd our fairytale just end up this way

no need to call my phone cause I changed my number today
a matter fact, I think i'm moving away (away)
sorry, the frustrations got me feeling that way
and i just keep having one last thing to say
and i just wanna hold you,
touch you,
feel you,
be near you,
i miss you baby baby baby..

i'm tired of tryin to fake through, but there's nothing I can do..
girl I can't wait to hate you..
I can't wait to hate you make you,
pain like i do.. still can't shake you off..
I can't wait to break through these, emotional changes..
seems like such a lost 'cause
I can't wait to face you,
b r e a k y o u,
down so low there's no place left to go..
I can't wait to hate you.. baby..
I can't wait to hate you..

I'm not saying I regret my decision, I won't lie Its like a load of stress just washed away. There are some benefits, I don't have to constantly worry or contemplate whens the next time I get to see and talk to you or when our next fight would be. I was willing to handle all that over and over again. The only thing is, I gave up and sometimes that takes a lot more strength then to hold on I'm not saying I'm gonna run back to you, because I promised myself I wont let it be that way anymore, because apologizing would mean me admiting I was wrong, now I dont have a problem with that, however it'd be false accusation. If you really wanted me back in your life you would have stood up that day, or now. It's just a shame how everything ended the way it did, It made me really dissapointed and im not gon lie, girl you made me happy in a lot of other ways I miss talking to you, in a way you were like my bestfriend, my feelings just got in the way... I know how you are, and this is the end so I wont hope that maybe "someday" we can become friends again, I wonder everyday how your doing..I still tear over you at times, when I start to thinking,& unbelievable as it is I don't regret anything. sigh, babygirl<3.

"Pain is inevitible, Suffering is choice."

"It's sad when people you know become people you knew.When you can walkright past someone like they were never a big part of your life. How you used to be able to talk for hours. And how now, you can barely even look at them."

If I had One Wish..

bout your happiness, It's time I fucking get mines bitches. your all annoying. Fuck that shit, I'm not gonna live just to please others and make other people feel better about themselves anymore, espeacially when they can't pick themselves up. No matter how hard or alone and independant I have to be in order to succeed, I'll always get back up somehow on my own. I'll be happy again, oneday.

Fuck this shit, ain't got time for bitches whinning, focus on myself all I need is to work on my health, education & mind on $$$.

I couldn't breathe, I couldn't even look at you, because I know if I did I would n e v e r be able to look away. Incredible, she still has the power to make my knees weak and heart beat.

I'm pathetic. I'm officially confused about EVERYTHING I don't know what to do or say I don't even think I know who I am anymore. Why can't you just GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK, PLEASE.. *sigh ' her new found favourite tune is the one I gave her, but only because it's meant for him ' noone can help me, & I don't want it either. I just wan't for once, even if its just for one day. For you to understand me, to see you weren't the only one suffering, no matter how bad I feel, HOW I feel or what I do, it'll never be enough it'll never change anything & it'll never be noticed by who I want it to be noticed by. I'm not perfect, no where close It's impossible for NOONE to hurt you but if you find that one person you love with all your heart then no matter what they put you through, it doesn't matter because you know you'll pull right through it, because there worth it. I look at him or any of their ex's and I think 'the fuck, are you blind?' & yet they can get away with it with them being who they are, countlessly being forgiven without hesitaiton and the ones that who are trying with every last breath, gets ignored, brushed off and hurt. That's alright, I've held it in for this long, I think I can do it for the rest of my life.Why? because. I still, love you.

She's so quick to leave. All I want her to do is stay. If you say you regret me now..I'm gone..

j-reyez - passing me by

I'd dedicate my time when you were mine, just to see your smileI'd travel miles, worth awhile, just to be aroundand we would hang out, laying down, listening to musicPush things aside when you had problems just to help you through itYou'd help me too, my friends advice made me a better personBut you didn't support what I would do, you wanted things so perfectSaying I'm good at what I do but wouldn't make it farTo get a better job, for me to go and buy a car
You'd say I'm scrubby even though I made more money than youYou'd say I wasn't smart, you'd say that I would break your heartthe problem wasn't me, it was you with all your jealousyBut you would settle me, you brought out the best of meAnd let me add you're the one that made me really laughAnd smile but now it's back to what I do and that's all in the pastAnd when I'm out everywhere I'd go it's liek you're next to meLet's just forget it please, move on and just let it be
Shawty's got a brand new friendwho definitley treats her rightThere's no use to pretendI ain't hurting deep inside nowI can't even tripGotta learn to get a gripCus now I gotta lay in the bed That I was makingShawty's moving on with her life
She don't even notice meit's like im transparent in her eyesshe don't realizeI'm on the sideShawty's gotten over meBut she keeps on passing me byPassing me byPassing me by
Now I'ma tell you how I feel about the situationYou found a new, that's good for you, I say congradulationsYou don't gotta keep on talking about me trying to be the victimI'm sure you said a lot by now, aren't I out of ya system now?Just go on girl, why you gotta be so immature?Stop talking shit, just grow the fuck up, why so insecure?Doing it big, mom must be so proud of her daughter nowOh you're a model now? You like to go drink bottles down?
Posting pics, wanting attention but they don't notice shitYour ego's growing big, you're making money, now you're focusing?That's cool, go do your thing, but don't lie to the peopleJust to get some sympathy, you're pathetic, saying how bad I'd treat youYou'd talk and lie, you crossed the line when you said I beat youTry to find a guy who'd bus from cities just to fucking` see youFights we had you would be claiming that I started itI never really complained, I would explain and you would argue it
Shawty flip the page on a brand new chapterLeft me in the background, invisible like CasperNow I'm looking at her trying to saySomething to make her want to give me the time of dayThe way I used to play I gotta face itI was only setting up shop for my replacementNow the bed that I was making, now I gotta lay inShawty's moving on with her life
She don't even notice meit's like im transparent in her eyesshe don't realizeI'm on the sideShawty's gotten over meBut she keeps on passing me byPassing me byPassing me by
I ain't done yet, I still have a lot to say about youAre you having fun yet? It's too bad nobody talks about youI ain't scared to say it, if you're playing' all these games and shitAnyone can agree that my name is what got you famous bitchEverybody referred you as my girl, not cuz you're making hitsYou're not miss innocent or a victim, just stop faking itNobody really cares about your updates if you're drunk and tipsyTry to diss me, here's your response for even fuckin' with me
What? You miss me? Why's your facebook page a constant talk against meYou're dependent, trying to blend in, you're pathetic, stop pretendingthat's kinda fucked up how you lied and said I've even hit youYou make me sick and I'm so fed up, I don't even miss youI don't mean to diss you, little girl, it takes time to grow upHold up, gimmie a call when you decide to blow upStop contradicting yourself, I put up with enoughDo what you gotta do cuz I don't really give a fuck
She don't even notice meit's like im transparent in her eyesshe don't realizeI'm on the sideShawty's gotten over meBut she keeps on passing me byPassing me byPassing me by

Your Selfish.

I know I'm probably gonna regret this. I know I'm gonna hurt for months and I know I'm gonna cry for nights. However I know I've said this so many times that I'm getting over you, but just end up winded up back in your lap thinking we can try again. But no, not this time your so easily willing to walk away from me, thats your choice. Why would I chase after something that doesn't want to be caught. It gets to the point where I don't feel anything anymore, tears drop but I don't feel the ache. What I become next who I become, I'll have you to thank for that. So congradulations, you officially wrecked me, you wouldn't listen to me when I needed you, kept my mouth shut because I never wanted to upset you or argue, I can't be your lapdog anymore, I have needs and I have stress and not once were you ever there for me, I realize now, you weren't as important as I thought, cause I know I sure as hell weren't worth fighting for. I'll be too afraid to ever open up again, & I'll never want to put my everything into anyonelse. I loved you, I just wasnt inlove with you.

" your right, it's not the same. It can never be the same. "

Give up on my hopes and dreams, I just get dissapointment and excessive pain in the end anyways.

You were the love of my life.. You still are today.

Push me away, I won't move. Just try to Hurt me, I no longer fear pain. Don't Trust me, I'll Earn it. You Don't have to Believe in me, cause I would LOVE to prove you wrong. I'm not going anywhere this time, Mark my words " I will never leave you again.", I'm staying right here with y o u.

" we come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly. "

to much Anger.

WOW. yesterday was such a good fucking day and I was actually starting to think things were actually shapeing up, I was starting to become a little happy FOR ONCE probably the 4th or 5th best day of my LIFE. however, nope whoops spoke to soon. Today was a total fuckin smaaaaack day 1. I didn't even want to get up for school because I was dead tired but I realized I might have to because theres a 80% chance there would have been an essay to be handed out & I didn't wanna fall behind so I went, Nothing was handed out fucking wasted my morning on this dumb bitch. 2. so much for my " no skipping for 1 whole week " vow , skipped the afternoon and I have a feeling I missed somthing important, my grades are slowly but drastically dropping & I cant commence this all over again nor anymore. 3. Like honestly FALL THE FUCK BACK I don't care who you are or who you think you are now if what your known for. Stay the fuck outta my business if I ever see you or hear you even if it's just a lil suspicion, you piss me off, you try to get me jealous & act up I will fucking cut you. 4. My "parents" no, they don't even deserve that title, THESE PEOPLE who fucking think they run me because they gave birth to me? KAY YEAH you made me, thanks for gods creations but you never RAISED ME. I fucking raised MYSELF so dont try that alright, saying how " oh I could have sworn were the parents and YOUR the child " WOOOOW really? you think so? you guys act more childish then fucking 4 year olds alright. I could have sworn the ONLY TIME YOU EVER SPENT CAREING OR LOVEING ME AND PHYSICALLY NURTUREING ME WAS WHEN I WAS IN YOUR FUCKING WOMB FOR 9 MONTHS ALRIGHT? fuck off you piss me off oh & daddy, stfu okay you dont work what are you good for, you dont support your family & you left us HOW many times? CAUSED US HOW MUCH STRESS AND GRIEF? HURT MOM HOW MANY TIMES? ALL THOSE FUCKING TIMES WHEN YOU MESSED UP AND EVERYONE WAS MAD AT YOU I WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO STOOD BY YOUR SIDE AND NOW I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY. Believe or not I use to be daddys lil favourite, well that was oh lets say 10 years ago. Im old enough to see reality through my eyes and understand it properly now. & YOU GUYS THINK IM OVERREACTING AND BEING HARSH THEN YOU DONT FUCKING KNOW WHAT IVE BEEN THROUGH. & of course there's a lot worse things out in the world happening besides my bitching BUT THIS STILL MATTERS TO ME BECAUSE IT HURTS ME. that's why I don't like shareing "feelings" & bottle thhings up. It aint worth venting about.I have to express myself through blogspot, it's my only cure. You don't know WHO I AM So don't be extra nor put in your opinions I could care less. & you know what? I've officially found my motivation to go to school and do my best to have a great life financially and emoctionally I WILL NEVER let myself become you guys. & I will NEVER raise my family they way you never actually did for me, my brother? yeah at least he got his childhood they just forgot about the other child. Right, I can be just another teenage drama kid with my little personal issues crying for help. well fuck off, don't ask me than and dont judge me ya'll don't know shit. AND FINALLY 4. WORK and MONEY is becoming a fucking issue, I'm starting to think I'm gonna have to pick up a second job. Even when all this shit has happend today GAP JUST HAD to call me and cut my hours, AT THE MOST DESPERATE TIME OF NEED where I need cash you bitches go and cut my hours I DID NOT WORK AT ALL LAST WEEK and I have SO little hours this week my next 2 pay checks are gonna barely COVER ANYTHING at all. fuck I hate this shit UGH w.e imma go read a fucking book.