sigh

I feel a drift, and a pull I just don't know which rope to grab onto..

Life Schedule.

February

1st - baby comes over
2nd - 1 month & work
3rd -
4th - paycheck : )
5th - visited babe
6th - babe came over
7th - yd window shopping / baby
8th - visit gf
9th - work
10th - deposit
11th - visit
12th - p.a day / see baby + chill with monkey&chris ( -35 )
13th - semi shopping/birthday or chill - $15 (avoid spending at all)
14th - valentines day - $50
15th - family day
16th - baby gets contacts
17th - baby picks outfit + I have work
18th - happy birthday vanessa & paycheck
19th - buy semi tickets - $70
20th - vanessa's birthday celeberation - $15
21st - my own semi shopping - $50-70?
22nd
23rd
24th
25th
26th - happy birthday erika & diana & semi formal
27th - twins birthday plans - $35
28th



Total= $285 depending.

stupidity

I don't wanna hurt anyone..

ugh eatggwruhrktmryks

Why am I getting so mad over the little things? Like I can't control my emotions. It's ridiculous, it gets to the point where my thoughts consume me and are pulled to sides of negativity, anger consumes me and all I wanna do is hurt someone, something, myself. Wtf is going on, Get over it.

Time

how much longer do I have to compromise myself to please others ...

fags

so I EMBARASS YOU?! wow, have you guys seen yourselves lately? your pathetic and I wouldnt even mention you guys are my guardians. God, im so sick of your shit EVERYDAY, EVERYTIME it's the same shit over and over, grow the fuck up. I look the way I do, I dress they way i like to and I am who I wanna be. so grow some fucking balls and act like your age, because yeah im so low that i change my style and the way I look JUST so i can embarass you, yeah okay there don't boost yourselves. Although I'm glad it makes you mad, it enlightens me. fuck off, I didn't care what you guys thought in the begining and I sure as hell don't give a shit now. : )

Forever

In a way, Baby your just like me. I'm sorry you feel so alone, I'll try my best til the end to prove to you Forever does last, just like i said it did 5 years ago. The farther you push me, the closer I wanna get. Someday, one day. It'll be your day to shine.. & I'll be right beside you, watching you embrace it.

Hypocrite, Dissapoitment, Pathetic, unbelievable and Shameful.

=)

You Really are the most Prestigious, Magnificant, Beautiful and caring person I've ever known. I adore you.

Doing the best of my ability to restrain myself. don't fuck up.

New Year, New Me.

I wanna thank all my homiess, been through the roughs with me. ups and downs, struggles and f a l l s. I was never happy, which made me miserable to everything surrounding me. That's noones fault, New resolutions were stupid to me, it's gonna be the same shit just a new date. But really, I wasn't happy because I wasn't letting myself. I am now, or I will be atleast, lots of things are looking up right now, there's a lot of reasons why too but mainly because I just deserve it this time. Been through a helllaaa lot wit my girls, damm looking back on the years fuck we changed ALOT LOL its amazing. So, for the rest of my highschool months, and years to come, I love my friends who are like family to me I'm gonna enjoy every little bit of stupidness the comes flying out our mouths, the arguments that make absoloutley no sense nor point LOL As for the past, it's called history for a reason and I'm sure as hell not going to repeat it. I loved, lost and hurt. Your ALWAYS Always always going to be my First baby, and I'm ALWAYS going to look out for you but your never gonna want me the way I wanted you, and I'm okay with that. I'll do my best to keep you happy, a smile on your face and keep you out of harms way, same with all the rest of my loved ones. Happy new Years guys, I'm finally embracing life :)