I'm pathetic. I'm officially confused about EVERYTHING I don't know what to do or say I don't even think I know who I am anymore. Why can't you just GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK, PLEASE.. *sigh ' her new found favourite tune is the one I gave her, but only because it's meant for him ' noone can help me, & I don't want it either. I just wan't for once, even if its just for one day. For you to understand me, to see you weren't the only one suffering, no matter how bad I feel, HOW I feel or what I do, it'll never be enough it'll never change anything & it'll never be noticed by who I want it to be noticed by. I'm not perfect, no where close It's impossible for NOONE to hurt you but if you find that one person you love with all your heart then no matter what they put you through, it doesn't matter because you know you'll pull right through it, because there worth it. I look at him or any of their ex's and I think 'the fuck, are you blind?' & yet they can get away with it with them being who they are, countlessly being forgiven without hesitaiton and the ones that who are trying with every last breath, gets ignored, brushed off and hurt. That's alright, I've held it in for this long, I think I can do it for the rest of my life.Why? because. I still, love you.

She's so quick to leave. All I want her to do is stay. If you say you regret me now..I'm gone..

j-reyez - passing me by

I'd dedicate my time when you were mine, just to see your smileI'd travel miles, worth awhile, just to be aroundand we would hang out, laying down, listening to musicPush things aside when you had problems just to help you through itYou'd help me too, my friends advice made me a better personBut you didn't support what I would do, you wanted things so perfectSaying I'm good at what I do but wouldn't make it farTo get a better job, for me to go and buy a car
You'd say I'm scrubby even though I made more money than youYou'd say I wasn't smart, you'd say that I would break your heartthe problem wasn't me, it was you with all your jealousyBut you would settle me, you brought out the best of meAnd let me add you're the one that made me really laughAnd smile but now it's back to what I do and that's all in the pastAnd when I'm out everywhere I'd go it's liek you're next to meLet's just forget it please, move on and just let it be
Shawty's got a brand new friendwho definitley treats her rightThere's no use to pretendI ain't hurting deep inside nowI can't even tripGotta learn to get a gripCus now I gotta lay in the bed That I was makingShawty's moving on with her life
She don't even notice meit's like im transparent in her eyesshe don't realizeI'm on the sideShawty's gotten over meBut she keeps on passing me byPassing me byPassing me by
Now I'ma tell you how I feel about the situationYou found a new, that's good for you, I say congradulationsYou don't gotta keep on talking about me trying to be the victimI'm sure you said a lot by now, aren't I out of ya system now?Just go on girl, why you gotta be so immature?Stop talking shit, just grow the fuck up, why so insecure?Doing it big, mom must be so proud of her daughter nowOh you're a model now? You like to go drink bottles down?
Posting pics, wanting attention but they don't notice shitYour ego's growing big, you're making money, now you're focusing?That's cool, go do your thing, but don't lie to the peopleJust to get some sympathy, you're pathetic, saying how bad I'd treat youYou'd talk and lie, you crossed the line when you said I beat youTry to find a guy who'd bus from cities just to fucking` see youFights we had you would be claiming that I started itI never really complained, I would explain and you would argue it
Shawty flip the page on a brand new chapterLeft me in the background, invisible like CasperNow I'm looking at her trying to saySomething to make her want to give me the time of dayThe way I used to play I gotta face itI was only setting up shop for my replacementNow the bed that I was making, now I gotta lay inShawty's moving on with her life
She don't even notice meit's like im transparent in her eyesshe don't realizeI'm on the sideShawty's gotten over meBut she keeps on passing me byPassing me byPassing me by
I ain't done yet, I still have a lot to say about youAre you having fun yet? It's too bad nobody talks about youI ain't scared to say it, if you're playing' all these games and shitAnyone can agree that my name is what got you famous bitchEverybody referred you as my girl, not cuz you're making hitsYou're not miss innocent or a victim, just stop faking itNobody really cares about your updates if you're drunk and tipsyTry to diss me, here's your response for even fuckin' with me
What? You miss me? Why's your facebook page a constant talk against meYou're dependent, trying to blend in, you're pathetic, stop pretendingthat's kinda fucked up how you lied and said I've even hit youYou make me sick and I'm so fed up, I don't even miss youI don't mean to diss you, little girl, it takes time to grow upHold up, gimmie a call when you decide to blow upStop contradicting yourself, I put up with enoughDo what you gotta do cuz I don't really give a fuck
She don't even notice meit's like im transparent in her eyesshe don't realizeI'm on the sideShawty's gotten over meBut she keeps on passing me byPassing me byPassing me by

Your Selfish.

I know I'm probably gonna regret this. I know I'm gonna hurt for months and I know I'm gonna cry for nights. However I know I've said this so many times that I'm getting over you, but just end up winded up back in your lap thinking we can try again. But no, not this time your so easily willing to walk away from me, thats your choice. Why would I chase after something that doesn't want to be caught. It gets to the point where I don't feel anything anymore, tears drop but I don't feel the ache. What I become next who I become, I'll have you to thank for that. So congradulations, you officially wrecked me, you wouldn't listen to me when I needed you, kept my mouth shut because I never wanted to upset you or argue, I can't be your lapdog anymore, I have needs and I have stress and not once were you ever there for me, I realize now, you weren't as important as I thought, cause I know I sure as hell weren't worth fighting for. I'll be too afraid to ever open up again, & I'll never want to put my everything into anyonelse. I loved you, I just wasnt inlove with you.

" your right, it's not the same. It can never be the same. "

Give up on my hopes and dreams, I just get dissapointment and excessive pain in the end anyways.

You were the love of my life.. You still are today.

Push me away, I won't move. Just try to Hurt me, I no longer fear pain. Don't Trust me, I'll Earn it. You Don't have to Believe in me, cause I would LOVE to prove you wrong. I'm not going anywhere this time, Mark my words " I will never leave you again.", I'm staying right here with y o u.

" we come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly. "

to much Anger.

WOW. yesterday was such a good fucking day and I was actually starting to think things were actually shapeing up, I was starting to become a little happy FOR ONCE probably the 4th or 5th best day of my LIFE. however, nope whoops spoke to soon. Today was a total fuckin smaaaaack day 1. I didn't even want to get up for school because I was dead tired but I realized I might have to because theres a 80% chance there would have been an essay to be handed out & I didn't wanna fall behind so I went, Nothing was handed out fucking wasted my morning on this dumb bitch. 2. so much for my " no skipping for 1 whole week " vow , skipped the afternoon and I have a feeling I missed somthing important, my grades are slowly but drastically dropping & I cant commence this all over again nor anymore. 3. Like honestly FALL THE FUCK BACK I don't care who you are or who you think you are now if what your known for. Stay the fuck outta my business if I ever see you or hear you even if it's just a lil suspicion, you piss me off, you try to get me jealous & act up I will fucking cut you. 4. My "parents" no, they don't even deserve that title, THESE PEOPLE who fucking think they run me because they gave birth to me? KAY YEAH you made me, thanks for gods creations but you never RAISED ME. I fucking raised MYSELF so dont try that alright, saying how " oh I could have sworn were the parents and YOUR the child " WOOOOW really? you think so? you guys act more childish then fucking 4 year olds alright. I could have sworn the ONLY TIME YOU EVER SPENT CAREING OR LOVEING ME AND PHYSICALLY NURTUREING ME WAS WHEN I WAS IN YOUR FUCKING WOMB FOR 9 MONTHS ALRIGHT? fuck off you piss me off oh & daddy, stfu okay you dont work what are you good for, you dont support your family & you left us HOW many times? CAUSED US HOW MUCH STRESS AND GRIEF? HURT MOM HOW MANY TIMES? ALL THOSE FUCKING TIMES WHEN YOU MESSED UP AND EVERYONE WAS MAD AT YOU I WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO STOOD BY YOUR SIDE AND NOW I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY. Believe or not I use to be daddys lil favourite, well that was oh lets say 10 years ago. Im old enough to see reality through my eyes and understand it properly now. & YOU GUYS THINK IM OVERREACTING AND BEING HARSH THEN YOU DONT FUCKING KNOW WHAT IVE BEEN THROUGH. & of course there's a lot worse things out in the world happening besides my bitching BUT THIS STILL MATTERS TO ME BECAUSE IT HURTS ME. that's why I don't like shareing "feelings" & bottle thhings up. It aint worth venting about.I have to express myself through blogspot, it's my only cure. You don't know WHO I AM So don't be extra nor put in your opinions I could care less. & you know what? I've officially found my motivation to go to school and do my best to have a great life financially and emoctionally I WILL NEVER let myself become you guys. & I will NEVER raise my family they way you never actually did for me, my brother? yeah at least he got his childhood they just forgot about the other child. Right, I can be just another teenage drama kid with my little personal issues crying for help. well fuck off, don't ask me than and dont judge me ya'll don't know shit. AND FINALLY 4. WORK and MONEY is becoming a fucking issue, I'm starting to think I'm gonna have to pick up a second job. Even when all this shit has happend today GAP JUST HAD to call me and cut my hours, AT THE MOST DESPERATE TIME OF NEED where I need cash you bitches go and cut my hours I DID NOT WORK AT ALL LAST WEEK and I have SO little hours this week my next 2 pay checks are gonna barely COVER ANYTHING at all. fuck I hate this shit UGH w.e imma go read a fucking book.