I DON'T KNOW ANYMORE. I'm starting to lose sight of the picture, it's getting blurry & it's getting vague. All these other girls..they surround me and yeah I guess I probably could get someone if i wanted too, but no. I'm still in love with you. Whenever your on the phone and it isn't me, whenever you go out and you remain them unknown whenever you don't pick up my calls. I get Worried and for a split second in my mind I have a doubt that it's HIM or some other guy your talking too, & I don't wanna doubt or accuse but baby am I ever gonna get a chance? Is he ever gonna leave you alone and stop dragging himself behind like a lost dog that has no guide to survival whom depends on your stable structure to keep him intact?. It's not fair he has his fucking chance now I need mine who am I kidding? really..I must be a total hopeless romantic. The fact that growing up the way I did, dysfunctional family it's like I live in a house with strangers. I don't even know my mothers birthday and I don't even know the last time I told my father I loved him, god knows he has so little time left. I remember when I was so little I'd wait every single day for 10:30pm to hit so my dad could walk in that door and I'd jump off the couch next to my mom run up to him and give him a huge hug. The smile I use to have on so bright, now I neglect them to the extent. They're lack of presence to nurture me and raise me right has given me the inability to love them or anyone else back, the fear terrifies me, & whenever I look "you" I think of it as my punishment, what a way to be referred as huh?. It's okay, you know why? cause; " you should never take life seriously, noone gets out alive anyways".