I don't wanna fight this war anymoreee (8)

You know it kills me to be the person I am sometimes. I wish I wasn't so emoctionally available sometimes, I wish I didn't have to be afraid to ask who your with, who your talking to or what's on your mind. However because of the situation were in, I am limited to the things I can ask about. ugh I can't even say I'm angry or I'm sad or I'm hurt or even when I'm jealous which is often because I have no recollection of what your up too. *sigh It gets really, realllyyyyyy hard with each day that passes by every week its like a new mood we're good & happy and then something happens or I feel this slight doubt and it blows up & we ignore each other for 5 days. Is it always going to be like this? I hope not. I've been thinking about our conversation last night, all dayyyyyy todayy.. I would love to bring you but I don't think thats the case for you. It really hurt but I didn't say anything..but I wonder, if HE asked you..would you say yes?.. I can't stand this How much longer? " she finally gave up. she dropped the fake [ smile ] as a tear ran down her cheek she whispered to herself I can't do this [ a n y m o r e ]. Please don't leave me to be that person at the end, and the funny thing is, you wanna know what I think? Have you ever really thought about it?...there's this girl, she'd do anything for you, & for SOME reason, you dont want to see it BUT you know it's there..& you know she's P E R F E C T for you, & THAT scrares the HELL out of you. Doesn't it.?